


all these bones in my closet (and the back of my mind)

by angrylizardjacket (ephemeralstar)



Series: this must be just like living in paradise [20]
Category: The Dirt (2019), The Dirt (2019) Actor RPF
Genre: Gen, Modern Era, On Set
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27157933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeralstar/pseuds/angrylizardjacket
Summary: When Colson meets Lola Gone at The Dirt's read through, he's not quite sure what he was expecting. He definitely wasn't expecting to feel like he already knew her.
Relationships: Colson Baker | Machine Gun Kelly & Original Female Character
Series: this must be just like living in paradise [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1357720
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	all these bones in my closet (and the back of my mind)

He’s not quite sure what he was expecting; he’d seen photos, and footage, and read tabloids about the band’s exploits from archives put online, and everything that had been said about her in _The Dirt_ book, and in Nikki’s _Heroin Diaries,_ but truthfully, he has _no idea_ what he’s expecting.

Lola wears a suit. 

A month into filming, someone will mention that she runs Lionheart Management, and Colson’s perceptions of her will shatter once again, all but kicking himself for not making the connection since he’d looking into potentially signing with them a few years ago. Now, however, in the initial read-through of the script, Lola, sat between Nikki and Tommy, themselves wearing far more casual clothing, wearing a pristine, all-black suit, her hair slicked back and immaculate. If it weren’t for the array of earrings in her ears, and her closeness with the two band members, he probably wouldn’t have recognized her at all.

Lola’s unassuming, watching the actors give it their all as they read through the script for the first time with an audience, laughing along, occasionally resting her head on either one of her companions’ shoulders, warmth in her eyes. Courtney Eaton, the woman _playing_ Lola, is sat between Colson himself, and Douglas Booth, creating a mirror of their older counterparts, though the younger three lack the inherent familiarity and intimacy, having only met a few weeks ago, rather than decades. 

The script and the woman across the table don’t seem to match up. Lola’s just as nasty, debauched, and hedonistic as any of the band members, screwing her way around the scene with the best of them, practically feral at times. If he were a more prudish man, Colson would probably have blushed at half the scenes he shared with Courtney, realising how intimate they’d have end up getting, but the whole cast was more than onboard, and everyone just seemed excited; they all knew what they were signing up for.

“ _After everything went down with Roxy,”_ Colson read out the voice over, eyes on his script, “ _Lola and I took a trip to Boston.”  
_

“Lola and Tommy sit opposite each other in a booth in a diner, sunlight silhouetting them as we see a bright, suburban street outside,” the director reads out, and when Colson looks up, trying to gauged Tommy and Lola’s reaction, Tommy’s got his arm around her, and Lola’s surprisingly somber. 

“ _Are you really gonna kill her?”_ Colson reads, and Courtney, who’s frowning down at her own script, responds with a single-word affirmation, “ _to say Lola had a rough childhood was the understatement of the century, it’s something I’ll probably never understand,”_ he reads as the voice over, before getting back to the scene, “ _I can’t- I’m not gonna help you kill your fucking mom!”_

 _“Then go home.”_ Courtney snaps in character.

“ _This isn’t fun, Lols, this is serious shit -”_

_“Then go the fuck home! Better yet, send me someone who will help, send me Nikki!”  
_

Beside them, Douglas sucks in a breath between his teeth, and the words fill the room. Lola herself has pressed her face to Tommy’s shoulder, and she’s muttering something that no-one else can hear. Colson, after a moment, clears his throat and looks back down at his script.

“Tommy stands abruptly and leaves,” the director announces, and Courtney takes a deep breath.

“ _I don’t remember this_ ,” she says softly, “ _I don’t remember saying half the shit I can never take back, I was spiraling so wildly out of control, losing my boys and myself to the highlife.”_

“We descend into a super wide shot of Vince’s mansion at night, with a party in full swing,” the director cuts in, before Courtney continues with her voice over.

“ _I never hurt my mom, for the record, but apparently I scared the shit out of Tommy; I lost him that day, for good reason. First Vince, and even Mick wasn’t speaking to me. All I had left was the only constant I’d known. Maybe that was the problem_.”

And then at the party, Nikki and Lola are getting high together, oblivious to most of the outside world, and looking across the table, Colson’s surprised to see Lola looking right back at him, expression carefully neutral. There’s something in her eyes that he _knows_ but can’t quite identify, and after a moment, her expression turns thoughtful, barely tilting her head, but he immediately knows she’s considering something about him.

 _I know you_ is the feeling he gets in his chest, inexplicably, but he quickly buries it and smiles at her, wide and cheerful, hoping at least that she was enjoying the read through. After a moment, Lola smiles back, crows feet and laugh lines creasing across her face, making her instantly seem warmer. But there’s still that indescribable _something_ in her eyes that he _knows_. 

When he gets to speak to her, gets to talk to her, he finds she’s grounded and easygoing, and it’s easy to compartmentalize, to forget all the things he knows she’s done, how much of her _he’s_ seen, how much of her the _world_ has seen, in the most literal sense, and to just see her as a successful business woman.

Perhaps that’s the thing, that he, like the rest of the world, only know the superficial things about her; she’s associated with Motley Crue, but she’s not _in_ the band, so no-one’s ever really been as interested in going in-depth with her. There’s still arguments about whether she dated or just slept with Vince, Nikki, and Tommy when the band first formed, and how she really met them. 

“You remind me of Tommy, back when I first met him,” her voice is rough, after decades of smoking and partying, her smile fond as she regards Colson. 

“Thanks?” He gives a confused grin; there’s too many conflicting stories about Tommy Lee for him to draw any sort of conclusion as to what she means by that.

“It’s a compliment,” she clarifies, “that motherfucker was full of energy, bright as the sun, heart of gold; I’ve pretty much loved him since the moment I met him,” _that_ was certainly a compliment, and something about it feels more like she’s giving him her seal of approval than anything else. 

Lola doesn’t tell him then, but she saw her younger self when she looked at him, just as she’d seen Tommy. She’d seen her ambition and anger and loss, the fear of being used, the desperate need to run from something, but not sure what, not realising that part of it is wanting to just run from yourself, all of it reflected back at her. She’d seen someone who does what it takes to survive; as much as she loves Tommy, he’s never been truly cut-throat.

But Colson... she saw a kid who can keep up with the world he’s found himself in, even though he sometimes doesn’t understand it. She saw a kid who made it big despite the odds, despite their upbringing, despite not knowing to consolidate the two opposite worlds he’d known, though they’re both so clearly a part of him. She saw a kid who knows loss. 

But she can’t say that. 

So she tells him he reminds her of Tommy, of enthusiasm, and energy, and heart. Colson smiles, and thanks her, bright and sunny.

 _I know you_ , she’d felt it in her chest before she’d really met him, when she’d first seen his audition tape, and idly scrolled through his Instagram, and listened to his music. 

They’d both made something of themselves when they were young, so young they didn’t stop and consider the cost. 


End file.
